Becoming a father

Overcoming Fear, Embracing Challenges, and Building a Bond with Your Kids

Fatherhood. It’s one of those words that can stir up a whirlwind of emotions—excitement, joy, and, let’s be honest, a whole lot of fear. People love to tell you that there’s no way to truly prepare for it, and yeah, there’s some truth there. No manual or checklist can cover every curveball life throws at you as a dad. But here’s what I’ve learned through my own journey: readiness isn’t about having everything figured out—it’s about owning your role and giving it everything you’ve got.

I became a father during my sophomore year of college, just a couple of years after moving to America. Picture this: no degree, no parents nearby, in a new country, and barely scraping by. On paper, I was the definition of “not ready.” But deep down, I felt ready. Why? Because I was doing everything I could with the opportunities I had, and more than anything, I wanted to be a dad. That desire, paired with effort, made all the difference.

Don’t Let Fear Stop You—You’ll Figure It Out

Let’s talk about the elephant in the room: fear. Maybe you’re about to have a kid outside of marriage, or it was an accident, or you’re broke and wondering how you’ll pay for diapers. I’ve been there. When my son was born, I was on food stamps, hustling to afford formula and diapers. It wasn’t glamorous, but I made it work. You will too.

The key? Stop being afraid. You’re a man—you’re built to figure things out. The moment you own it and say, “I’m a father, and I’m going to give this kid an amazing life,” everything else falls into place. Sure, you can’t control every detail—finances, health, the future—but you can control your commitment. That’s what matters.

When Life Throws the Hard Stuff Your Way

Fatherhood isn’t all sunshine and milestones. Sometimes, it’s gut-wrenching. When my son Abel was three, he was diagnosed with leukemia. It was one of the hardest things I’ve ever faced. You feel this crushing guilt, like you failed to protect them somehow, even when it’s something like leukemia—random, no genetic cause, just cruel luck. I couldn’t take his suffering away, and that broke me more than anything I’d ever gone through myself.

But here’s what I learned: kids are tougher than we give them credit for. Abel went through it like a champ, inspiring me to keep pushing forward. And we weren’t alone—friends rallied around us, offering money, prayers, and support. You’ll find that too. No matter how dark it gets, there’s a way through, and people will show up for you.

Divorce and the Fear of Being an “Absent Dad”

Years later, I faced another challenge: divorce. My marriage was crumbling, and for a long time, I stayed because I didn’t want my kids to suffer. When I finally made the call to end it, I was terrified of becoming that stereotypical “absent father.” Society doesn’t always think highly of dads who aren’t married to their kids’ mom—people assume you just walked away. But I know that’s not the full story, and if you’re in that boat, you do too.

I thought about my own dad and how I’d feel if he’d made that choice. As a kid, I would’ve said, “Dad, be happy. Don’t stay miserable for me.” That perspective gave me peace. Post-divorce, I’ve worked hard to stay connected with my kids, to build a bond that distance can’t break. They know I love them, and I feel their love back. It’s not about complaining over what you can’t change—it’s about showing up with what you’ve got.

The Secret to Being a Great Dad? Decide to Be One

Fatherhood is hard, no question. But it’s also natural. You don’t need a perfect life or a fat bank account to be a great dad—you just need to decide you’re going to be one and then act like it. At the end of the day, it’s not about what others think, or even what you think. It’s about whether your kids feel your love, time, and energy.

One of the coolest things I’ve done to connect with my kids is bringing them on my podcast. It started as a fun idea, but mid-interview, it hit me: this is priceless. Hearing their thoughts, seeing them as individuals—not just “my kids”—it’s been one of the most rewarding parts of being a dad. I’ve interviewed famous people, but nothing tops those conversations with my own children. They’re growing into their own people, and I get a front-row seat.

Let Them Grow, Be Their Friend

If you’re a new dad or a young dad, you might be caught up in “how to be a dad” mode—focused on your role, your responsibilities. But here’s the real magic: it’s not about you. It’s about the relationship you build with your kids as they become their own people. Take time to talk to them, to see them as individuals separate from you. Let them grow, let them live, and just be there for the ride.

Prioritize that friendship with your kids. It’s not about being perfect—it’s about being present. Those moments, like my podcast chats, become treasures as time goes on. They’re kids, sure, but they think and feel like adults in their own way, and getting to know them on that level is what makes fatherhood truly amazing.

Final Thoughts: You’ve Got This

So, wherever you are in your fatherhood journey—whether you’re scared, broke, divorced, or just starting out—take it from me: you’ve got this. Own it. Tell yourself you’re a great dad, then live it every day. The rest? It’s out of your control, and that’s okay. What matters is that your kids know you’re all in.

I hope my story sparks something in you. Maybe it’s a nudge to let go of fear, to reach out to your kids in a new way, or to just enjoy the messy, beautiful ride of being a dad. You’re not alone in this—and you’re already on your way to being great.